🏡 Coming Home to Yourself

✨ What if the greatest healing isn't finding all the answers... but rebuilding the relationship with yourself?

For most of my life, I thought I was searching for truth.

I thought I was searching for God.

I thought I was searching for answers.

Looking back now, I think I was searching for something much more fundamental.

I was searching for home.

Like many people, I spent years believing home was something outside of me.

A place.

A relationship.

A belief system.

A community.

Somewhere I could finally exhale and know I belonged.

So I did what I had been taught to do.

I looked to the people around me to tell me what was true.

What was right.

Who I was.

What I should believe.

What I should want.

What was acceptable.

And little by little, without ever intending to, I began outsourcing my authority.

When something didn't feel right inside me, I assumed I was wrong.

If my body felt anxious, I pushed through.

If my heart had questions, I silenced them.

If my intuition whispered that something wasn't healthy,

I searched for reasons to distrust myself instead.

After all, I'd been taught that maturity meant denying myself.

That wisdom meant trusting authority over my own experience.

That my feelings could deceive me.

That my body couldn't always be trusted.

So I became very good at explaining away my own inner knowing.

I don't think this only happens in religion.

It can happen in families.

In marriages.

In workplaces.

In friendships.

Anywhere we slowly learn that belonging requires us to leave parts of ourselves behind.

For years, I believed that was simply the cost of love.

💔 Then life began dismantling everything I thought I knew.

Grief.

Loss.

Questions.

Relationships.

Experiences that no longer fit inside the story I'd inherited.

At first, I thought my life was falling apart.

Now I wonder if something much more beautiful was happening.

Maybe I wasn't losing myself.

Maybe I was finally meeting myself.

Recently, I had a realization that caught me completely off guard.

I've spent the last year learning to treat my complex PTSD differently.

Instead of fighting my nervous system, I've been trying to listen to it.

Instead of assuming something is wrong with me when I become overwhelmed,

I've started asking what my body is trying to tell me.

Instead of pushing through every uncomfortable feeling,

I've been practicing staying with myself.

Then one morning it hit me.

My body trusts me now.

I sat there with tears in my eyes.

Because I realized that for decades my body had been carrying the burden

of trying to protect me while I kept asking it to be quiet.

To work harder.

To stop feeling.

To keep going.

Now something has changed.

When my body says, "This is too much," I listen.

When it says, "You need rest," I believe it.

When it says, "This doesn't feel safe," I don't argue.

When it says, "This feels good," I allow myself to receive it without guilt.

Healing, I've discovered, isn't when your body stops speaking.

✨ Healing is when your body finally trusts that you'll listen.

That may be one of the most profound relationships we'll ever build.

Because unlike every other relationship in our lives, this one never leaves.

Maybe that's what coming home really means.

Not finding the perfect place.

Not finding the perfect beliefs.

Not finding the perfect relationship.

But becoming someone you no longer have to abandon.

Today, I still don't have all the answers.

I still ask questions.

I still change my mind.

I still get scared sometimes.

But there is one thing I know with certainty.

I trust myself more today than I ever have before.

And somehow...

That feels more like home than anything I've ever found outside myself.

💛 Reflection

Have you ever stopped to wonder whose voice has been shaping your life?

And what might change if you slowly began trusting your own experience—not as the only voice that matters, but as one worthy of being heard?

If these questions resonate with you, they're the same questions that eventually led me to write When Faith Couldn't Hold. That book tells the story of how my old framework unraveled. (Link: https://a.co/d/0cCCmcUG)

This blog—and the book I'm writing now—explores what happened after that...

the long journey of coming home to myself.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. 🩷

With love,

Kami